18 October 2012
peculiarities
I've always enjoyed the sensation of drinking a cool beverage from a warm glass. Like when you pull a cup out of the dishwasher that's still pretty hot and pour juice or water into it and when you drink it then it feels warm but you're drinking something cold. Weird, i know.
10 October 2012
bc sux0rz
Things to hate about BC
-there's no provincial environmental laws except what the federal govn't requires. Thus, storm drains lead to streams that are environmental projects http://bc.ctvnews.ca/pool-water-dumped-into-drain-blamed-for-dead-fish-1.984642, water sanitation doesn't happen, waste is dumped into the ocean after only being treated at one plant (the only province that can't be bothered to clean their poo)(Every other province treats black waste 3-4 times) pretty much all the lumber has been sold to chinese, which means bc actually doesn't own much of their own land either. they have this great chunk of land, and can't take care of it.
-everyone here thinks ontarians are full of themselves. well i wasn't until i moved here. the corporate, capitalist, every man for himself, small town usa mind set can be a little overwhelming. the only thing i used to diss bc about was luongo. so if everyone hates me for being from ontario, but dentists are so happy to see me 'cause i've got nice teeth, even tho i havent been to a dentist in 2+ years, you know something is up. they're all "oooh ontario's fluoride in the tapwater, oooh ontario teeth, ooh this is so nice, your teeth are beautiful!" and i'm like "shouldnt you be yelling at me now about how i don't floss??" how bad are bc people's teeth?? am i going to start getting cavities just for moving here? hey can you guys start sending me bottled tap water in the mail??
-what's with all the pine trees here? where's my fall colours? there's one season that I like and bc kills it? (summer too hot, winter too cold, spring has too many bugs, fall has halloween)
-rain! well i haven't seen any yet but today is foggy and apparently the rains are coming, i have been assured.
-beef with beef. why the hell, albertans, would you feed grass to your beefs? it tastes like crap that way! back in ontario, where we don't care about the health of the beefs (they're about to die for food anyway) or the health of ourselves (meh!) we feed our cattle corn. and they taste great. grass is for bison, corn is for roast beast.
-the chicken is good here tho. i bet they eat corn.
-the canucks
-who the hell doesn't have a ML baseball team???
-wtf is up with the liquor prices????
-gas prices are nuts too. isn't there oil just north of here and just east of here? shoulnt it be cheaper than ontario gas which is shipped farther?
-can't drive on the highway without my ears popping and plugging up on every hill aka mountain
so there you go, guys. i hope this makes up for the seals and ocean kayaking and mountains and whales and skiing....so next time you get pissed when i send you a nice photo, just think "oh yah, well you're going to have cavities one day, b*tch!"
-there's no provincial environmental laws except what the federal govn't requires. Thus, storm drains lead to streams that are environmental projects http://bc.ctvnews.ca/pool-water-dumped-into-drain-blamed-for-dead-fish-1.984642, water sanitation doesn't happen, waste is dumped into the ocean after only being treated at one plant (the only province that can't be bothered to clean their poo)(Every other province treats black waste 3-4 times) pretty much all the lumber has been sold to chinese, which means bc actually doesn't own much of their own land either. they have this great chunk of land, and can't take care of it.
-everyone here thinks ontarians are full of themselves. well i wasn't until i moved here. the corporate, capitalist, every man for himself, small town usa mind set can be a little overwhelming. the only thing i used to diss bc about was luongo. so if everyone hates me for being from ontario, but dentists are so happy to see me 'cause i've got nice teeth, even tho i havent been to a dentist in 2+ years, you know something is up. they're all "oooh ontario's fluoride in the tapwater, oooh ontario teeth, ooh this is so nice, your teeth are beautiful!" and i'm like "shouldnt you be yelling at me now about how i don't floss??" how bad are bc people's teeth?? am i going to start getting cavities just for moving here? hey can you guys start sending me bottled tap water in the mail??
-what's with all the pine trees here? where's my fall colours? there's one season that I like and bc kills it? (summer too hot, winter too cold, spring has too many bugs, fall has halloween)
-rain! well i haven't seen any yet but today is foggy and apparently the rains are coming, i have been assured.
-beef with beef. why the hell, albertans, would you feed grass to your beefs? it tastes like crap that way! back in ontario, where we don't care about the health of the beefs (they're about to die for food anyway) or the health of ourselves (meh!) we feed our cattle corn. and they taste great. grass is for bison, corn is for roast beast.
-the chicken is good here tho. i bet they eat corn.
-the canucks
-who the hell doesn't have a ML baseball team???
-wtf is up with the liquor prices????
-gas prices are nuts too. isn't there oil just north of here and just east of here? shoulnt it be cheaper than ontario gas which is shipped farther?
-can't drive on the highway without my ears popping and plugging up on every hill aka mountain
so there you go, guys. i hope this makes up for the seals and ocean kayaking and mountains and whales and skiing....so next time you get pissed when i send you a nice photo, just think "oh yah, well you're going to have cavities one day, b*tch!"
03 October 2012
Bear Poop (A Poem)
Beyond the little tiny lawn,
the patch of grass that lies upon
the rocky beach,
where the rocks stretch further
out and then they meet the water,
in between the shells and sand
is nestled a dollop of poop a mother found.
She did not know, when first she went
online to check the poop and paw print
what it would mean,
or how devastating it would be
to her lovely family.
She had a little dog, you see,
and a super duper daughter, me.
They had a lovely little house
in a cove nearby to Grouse
where black bears like to roam
(for it is also their home)
and sometimes get too close to humans
and poop right there among the cumins
(or an herb that's actually native to Canada).
Every day, the previously mentioned dog
would run around outside and hog
the patches of sunlight on the grass.
The girl would soon come park her ass
beside her faithful pet, and there
the two would spend their day,
and sit and doze and stretch and play.
They went exploring, dog and girl,
For they loved their sunny world,
to smell and sniff and watch the sea,
scratch the ground and catch the breeze.
Every day they sat outside
And then one day to their surprise
a bear came and ate them.
Well what do you want, a description? You're a horrible, sick person.
Of course, the mother was extremely sad
and said that she was going mad
so the father went and bought her
a Ruger No. 1 Varminter K1-V-BBZ.
Needless to say that never more
was bear poo found upon the shore
of Deep Cove, in North Vancouver.
the patch of grass that lies upon
the rocky beach,
where the rocks stretch further
out and then they meet the water,
in between the shells and sand
is nestled a dollop of poop a mother found.
She did not know, when first she went
online to check the poop and paw print
what it would mean,
or how devastating it would be
to her lovely family.
She had a little dog, you see,
and a super duper daughter, me.
They had a lovely little house
in a cove nearby to Grouse
where black bears like to roam
(for it is also their home)
and sometimes get too close to humans
and poop right there among the cumins
(or an herb that's actually native to Canada).
Every day, the previously mentioned dog
would run around outside and hog
the patches of sunlight on the grass.
The girl would soon come park her ass
beside her faithful pet, and there
the two would spend their day,
and sit and doze and stretch and play.
They went exploring, dog and girl,
For they loved their sunny world,
to smell and sniff and watch the sea,
scratch the ground and catch the breeze.
Every day they sat outside
And then one day to their surprise
a bear came and ate them.
Well what do you want, a description? You're a horrible, sick person.
Of course, the mother was extremely sad
and said that she was going mad
so the father went and bought her
a Ruger No. 1 Varminter K1-V-BBZ.
Needless to say that never more
was bear poo found upon the shore
of Deep Cove, in North Vancouver.
24 September 2012
Deep Cove: Kayaking
Today I hopped into my kayak. This may sound like no big deal to you, but let me tell you how mistaken you are. There are three ways to get into a kayak. One is to stand in shallow water, hold your oars across the seat for balance, and get in. The second is to get in on shore and have someone drag you into the water. The third is to throw your oars onto the back landing of the big boat that is tied to the dock, chuck the kayak into the water, draw it parallel to the boat, hop onto the boat, crouch down, put one hand on the back of the boat and one on the far side of the kayak seat, place both feet into the kayak, swing into it before you flip it over, grab your oars and off you go. So now you're thinking options one and two are the obvious answers. You are so wrong. Remember I live on the ocean rather than the lake. This means the tide goes in and out. This means that the dock is very very long. Part of the day, the tide is in and at the wall separating the ocean from my lawn. The rest of the day, the tide is probably 100m out. So in order to have the dock in the water all the time, there's a very long walkway between the lawn and the dock. Remember now that this is me we are considering. I look at options one and two and immediately think: "do i really want to drag the kayak ALL THE WAY to shore?" Obviously not! So i proceed to leap on the boat. The first few attempts at this maneuver, which will hereafter be referred to as "Operation Get in the Kayak," or "OGK," are quite difficult. Once you are on step "hold the boat with one hand, the kayak with the other, and put your feet in," you very quickly notice that the boat and the kayak are bobbing at different times, which throws your balance off (Or at least it does for land lubbers like me). Next, you realize that every time you try shifting your weight to your feet from your bottom (which is safely seated on the back of the boat) the kayak wobbles and threatens to toss you overboard. The secret to OGK is to keep your weight on your arms because they are holding you steady and the boats together. Then you shift your bottom from the boat down into the kayak as quickly as possible, because any hesitation results in more kayak bouncing and more time to panic. In fact, I almost named it "Operation Throw Yourself into the Kayak Before You Hesitate too Much and Throw Yourself Into the Water Instead," but that seemed a little excessive.
On with the story! Where was I? Oh yes, so today I hopped into my kayak. Technically the landlady's Kayak, but Margie is very nice and lets us use it at whim. The water below me (at the boat I was now alongside) was probably 6-10 feet deep. But perfectly clear! I decided at first to row myself under the dock walkways alongside the shore of the cove, for due to the tide fluctuations they are built very high up. As a rowed myself along I admired the underwater life. Most of the water and beaches here are rocky, and I admired the different colours of the smooth stones. The world below me was calm and golden from the sunlight. I passed over top of starfish, stretching themselves out in the warm shallow water. Little crabs scuttled about, and some bigger ones lay upside down, quite dead, their hard white bellies standing out from the rocks.I missed Dave the seal on this ride, though, probably because I started through the shallows rather than heading straight across the water as I usually do.
I went passed the marina at the end of the cove, and the water was deep. There was only one person at the gas station. I suppose it will be much quieter now without the summer tourists and vacationers. I turned left to head up Indian Arm, where some seagulls perched on floating logs. One of them started squawking at me and I nearly splashed it, but the boat guy from the marina was coming up behind me now and I didn't want him to think poorly of me. So the jerk seagull got away with his rude behaviour. Around this time I realized how deep the water must be. The arm is a 22km long fjord that gets quite deep (hence the cove's name), and I was probably on top of 500 feet of water. Remember, lake Ontario at its deepest point is just over 700 feet, and most of this area, much smaller, is over 600 feet at many points. Here the water is grey and blue and green and brown reflecting the sky and trees and mountains. But when I look directly down the water is so inky black I cannot imagine what might be lurking in. I started moving a little faster to avoid sea monsters. I calmed down a little closer to Raccoon isl when a seal poked its nose up to investigate me. I laughed as it played, then turned for home. The rest of the trip was lovely, I admired all the beautiful scenery and fresh air. I was almost alone on the water, excepting one motor boat that passed me and a tour boat far far in the distance. I went quickly at some places, testing myself and working on technique, and slowing when my arms tired, looking around me at the crazy cliffs and wondering who decided to build houses on them, having to go up and down six flights of stairs between the water and their houses.
On my return I still did not splash the seagull. I didn't want to get the wrong one. Finally I made my way home, completed OGOK (Operation Get Out of Kayak) (pretty easy, actually, I'm getting good at this), and resumed my lame-ass-getting-nowhere job hunt.
On with the story! Where was I? Oh yes, so today I hopped into my kayak. Technically the landlady's Kayak, but Margie is very nice and lets us use it at whim. The water below me (at the boat I was now alongside) was probably 6-10 feet deep. But perfectly clear! I decided at first to row myself under the dock walkways alongside the shore of the cove, for due to the tide fluctuations they are built very high up. As a rowed myself along I admired the underwater life. Most of the water and beaches here are rocky, and I admired the different colours of the smooth stones. The world below me was calm and golden from the sunlight. I passed over top of starfish, stretching themselves out in the warm shallow water. Little crabs scuttled about, and some bigger ones lay upside down, quite dead, their hard white bellies standing out from the rocks.I missed Dave the seal on this ride, though, probably because I started through the shallows rather than heading straight across the water as I usually do.
I went passed the marina at the end of the cove, and the water was deep. There was only one person at the gas station. I suppose it will be much quieter now without the summer tourists and vacationers. I turned left to head up Indian Arm, where some seagulls perched on floating logs. One of them started squawking at me and I nearly splashed it, but the boat guy from the marina was coming up behind me now and I didn't want him to think poorly of me. So the jerk seagull got away with his rude behaviour. Around this time I realized how deep the water must be. The arm is a 22km long fjord that gets quite deep (hence the cove's name), and I was probably on top of 500 feet of water. Remember, lake Ontario at its deepest point is just over 700 feet, and most of this area, much smaller, is over 600 feet at many points. Here the water is grey and blue and green and brown reflecting the sky and trees and mountains. But when I look directly down the water is so inky black I cannot imagine what might be lurking in. I started moving a little faster to avoid sea monsters. I calmed down a little closer to Raccoon isl when a seal poked its nose up to investigate me. I laughed as it played, then turned for home. The rest of the trip was lovely, I admired all the beautiful scenery and fresh air. I was almost alone on the water, excepting one motor boat that passed me and a tour boat far far in the distance. I went quickly at some places, testing myself and working on technique, and slowing when my arms tired, looking around me at the crazy cliffs and wondering who decided to build houses on them, having to go up and down six flights of stairs between the water and their houses.
On my return I still did not splash the seagull. I didn't want to get the wrong one. Finally I made my way home, completed OGOK (Operation Get Out of Kayak) (pretty easy, actually, I'm getting good at this), and resumed my lame-ass-getting-nowhere job hunt.
JULIE HAS A JOB!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY SWEET DEALIO!!!!!!!
Also, since you found work, I haven't seen any updates on your blog. Are they working you too hard?
Also, I WANT A JOB, TOO!!!! So keep wishing good luck at me!
Also, since you found work, I haven't seen any updates on your blog. Are they working you too hard?
Also, I WANT A JOB, TOO!!!! So keep wishing good luck at me!
How Disney has Ruined My Outlook on Life
Well, I'm 26 with no Prince Charming. This leaves several options.
1) I just haven't found him yet.
2) Really, I'm getting a little old. All Disney Princesses are in their teens, MAYBE 20's. I'm running out of finding Prince charming time. I'll be the old maid fairy godmother to the girls in my family.
3) It's too late! No happily ever after for me! I'm just not Disney Princess material! SOB! I fail at life!
4) Let's face it. I'm bound to be the evil stepmother, embittered by my loneliness.
5) I have to put matters into my own hands. Get out there, put my very life in peril--threatened by a heartless human--and lo! Prince Charming will come to my rescue!
6) Maybe I had it already, but due to my unwillingness to change my annoying personality, he vamoosed.
Thus, Disney has ruined my outlook on love (or at least my chances for it.)
Next, I have issues with the reality of nature. Watch a cat playing with it's prey, or an orca throwing a seal around for fun before eating it. A Komodo will poison a large animal and stalk it for days and days as it dies slowly, watching the Komodo watching it, knowing it's fate, until it can't move anymore and is slowly eaten. What the hell, man?! Only humans are supposed to torture animals! Not other animals! How do I deal with this? Way to lie, Disney!
What? Fairies aren't real??
More often than not, the bad guy actually wins in real life. (Hey! Maybe I SHOULD be an evil stepmother!) I realize that one person can actually make a difference, but rarely do people stand up for what they believe in. Disney doesn't show how power and influence prevail, or how people just don't care enough to do anything. All my life I thought I would meet heroes, or be one. instead, I got too comfortable, just like everyone else. Plus, I want a job with CSIS, and they won't hire you if you've been involved in political action or public protests. What the hell?! Do I keep sitting around hoping for an interview, for my dream job? And maybe one day I'll get it, and make a difference through my job? Or do I say that's bull, I'm going to get involved in things now? Disney never covered that. The right answers in Disney are always so easy.
Also, I can't understand animals when they talk.
1) I just haven't found him yet.
2) Really, I'm getting a little old. All Disney Princesses are in their teens, MAYBE 20's. I'm running out of finding Prince charming time. I'll be the old maid fairy godmother to the girls in my family.
3) It's too late! No happily ever after for me! I'm just not Disney Princess material! SOB! I fail at life!
4) Let's face it. I'm bound to be the evil stepmother, embittered by my loneliness.
5) I have to put matters into my own hands. Get out there, put my very life in peril--threatened by a heartless human--and lo! Prince Charming will come to my rescue!
6) Maybe I had it already, but due to my unwillingness to change my annoying personality, he vamoosed.
Thus, Disney has ruined my outlook on love (or at least my chances for it.)
Next, I have issues with the reality of nature. Watch a cat playing with it's prey, or an orca throwing a seal around for fun before eating it. A Komodo will poison a large animal and stalk it for days and days as it dies slowly, watching the Komodo watching it, knowing it's fate, until it can't move anymore and is slowly eaten. What the hell, man?! Only humans are supposed to torture animals! Not other animals! How do I deal with this? Way to lie, Disney!
What? Fairies aren't real??
More often than not, the bad guy actually wins in real life. (Hey! Maybe I SHOULD be an evil stepmother!) I realize that one person can actually make a difference, but rarely do people stand up for what they believe in. Disney doesn't show how power and influence prevail, or how people just don't care enough to do anything. All my life I thought I would meet heroes, or be one. instead, I got too comfortable, just like everyone else. Plus, I want a job with CSIS, and they won't hire you if you've been involved in political action or public protests. What the hell?! Do I keep sitting around hoping for an interview, for my dream job? And maybe one day I'll get it, and make a difference through my job? Or do I say that's bull, I'm going to get involved in things now? Disney never covered that. The right answers in Disney are always so easy.
Also, I can't understand animals when they talk.
23 September 2012
Nice!
Looking at my last post, I guess I finally found the option to make new paragraph breaks! yay!
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