18 October 2012
peculiarities
I've always enjoyed the sensation of drinking a cool beverage from a warm glass. Like when you pull a cup out of the dishwasher that's still pretty hot and pour juice or water into it and when you drink it then it feels warm but you're drinking something cold. Weird, i know.
10 October 2012
bc sux0rz
Things to hate about BC
-there's no provincial environmental laws except what the federal govn't requires. Thus, storm drains lead to streams that are environmental projects http://bc.ctvnews.ca/pool-water-dumped-into-drain-blamed-for-dead-fish-1.984642, water sanitation doesn't happen, waste is dumped into the ocean after only being treated at one plant (the only province that can't be bothered to clean their poo)(Every other province treats black waste 3-4 times) pretty much all the lumber has been sold to chinese, which means bc actually doesn't own much of their own land either. they have this great chunk of land, and can't take care of it.
-everyone here thinks ontarians are full of themselves. well i wasn't until i moved here. the corporate, capitalist, every man for himself, small town usa mind set can be a little overwhelming. the only thing i used to diss bc about was luongo. so if everyone hates me for being from ontario, but dentists are so happy to see me 'cause i've got nice teeth, even tho i havent been to a dentist in 2+ years, you know something is up. they're all "oooh ontario's fluoride in the tapwater, oooh ontario teeth, ooh this is so nice, your teeth are beautiful!" and i'm like "shouldnt you be yelling at me now about how i don't floss??" how bad are bc people's teeth?? am i going to start getting cavities just for moving here? hey can you guys start sending me bottled tap water in the mail??
-what's with all the pine trees here? where's my fall colours? there's one season that I like and bc kills it? (summer too hot, winter too cold, spring has too many bugs, fall has halloween)
-rain! well i haven't seen any yet but today is foggy and apparently the rains are coming, i have been assured.
-beef with beef. why the hell, albertans, would you feed grass to your beefs? it tastes like crap that way! back in ontario, where we don't care about the health of the beefs (they're about to die for food anyway) or the health of ourselves (meh!) we feed our cattle corn. and they taste great. grass is for bison, corn is for roast beast.
-the chicken is good here tho. i bet they eat corn.
-the canucks
-who the hell doesn't have a ML baseball team???
-wtf is up with the liquor prices????
-gas prices are nuts too. isn't there oil just north of here and just east of here? shoulnt it be cheaper than ontario gas which is shipped farther?
-can't drive on the highway without my ears popping and plugging up on every hill aka mountain
so there you go, guys. i hope this makes up for the seals and ocean kayaking and mountains and whales and skiing....so next time you get pissed when i send you a nice photo, just think "oh yah, well you're going to have cavities one day, b*tch!"
-there's no provincial environmental laws except what the federal govn't requires. Thus, storm drains lead to streams that are environmental projects http://bc.ctvnews.ca/pool-water-dumped-into-drain-blamed-for-dead-fish-1.984642, water sanitation doesn't happen, waste is dumped into the ocean after only being treated at one plant (the only province that can't be bothered to clean their poo)(Every other province treats black waste 3-4 times) pretty much all the lumber has been sold to chinese, which means bc actually doesn't own much of their own land either. they have this great chunk of land, and can't take care of it.
-everyone here thinks ontarians are full of themselves. well i wasn't until i moved here. the corporate, capitalist, every man for himself, small town usa mind set can be a little overwhelming. the only thing i used to diss bc about was luongo. so if everyone hates me for being from ontario, but dentists are so happy to see me 'cause i've got nice teeth, even tho i havent been to a dentist in 2+ years, you know something is up. they're all "oooh ontario's fluoride in the tapwater, oooh ontario teeth, ooh this is so nice, your teeth are beautiful!" and i'm like "shouldnt you be yelling at me now about how i don't floss??" how bad are bc people's teeth?? am i going to start getting cavities just for moving here? hey can you guys start sending me bottled tap water in the mail??
-what's with all the pine trees here? where's my fall colours? there's one season that I like and bc kills it? (summer too hot, winter too cold, spring has too many bugs, fall has halloween)
-rain! well i haven't seen any yet but today is foggy and apparently the rains are coming, i have been assured.
-beef with beef. why the hell, albertans, would you feed grass to your beefs? it tastes like crap that way! back in ontario, where we don't care about the health of the beefs (they're about to die for food anyway) or the health of ourselves (meh!) we feed our cattle corn. and they taste great. grass is for bison, corn is for roast beast.
-the chicken is good here tho. i bet they eat corn.
-the canucks
-who the hell doesn't have a ML baseball team???
-wtf is up with the liquor prices????
-gas prices are nuts too. isn't there oil just north of here and just east of here? shoulnt it be cheaper than ontario gas which is shipped farther?
-can't drive on the highway without my ears popping and plugging up on every hill aka mountain
so there you go, guys. i hope this makes up for the seals and ocean kayaking and mountains and whales and skiing....so next time you get pissed when i send you a nice photo, just think "oh yah, well you're going to have cavities one day, b*tch!"
03 October 2012
Bear Poop (A Poem)
Beyond the little tiny lawn,
the patch of grass that lies upon
the rocky beach,
where the rocks stretch further
out and then they meet the water,
in between the shells and sand
is nestled a dollop of poop a mother found.
She did not know, when first she went
online to check the poop and paw print
what it would mean,
or how devastating it would be
to her lovely family.
She had a little dog, you see,
and a super duper daughter, me.
They had a lovely little house
in a cove nearby to Grouse
where black bears like to roam
(for it is also their home)
and sometimes get too close to humans
and poop right there among the cumins
(or an herb that's actually native to Canada).
Every day, the previously mentioned dog
would run around outside and hog
the patches of sunlight on the grass.
The girl would soon come park her ass
beside her faithful pet, and there
the two would spend their day,
and sit and doze and stretch and play.
They went exploring, dog and girl,
For they loved their sunny world,
to smell and sniff and watch the sea,
scratch the ground and catch the breeze.
Every day they sat outside
And then one day to their surprise
a bear came and ate them.
Well what do you want, a description? You're a horrible, sick person.
Of course, the mother was extremely sad
and said that she was going mad
so the father went and bought her
a Ruger No. 1 Varminter K1-V-BBZ.
Needless to say that never more
was bear poo found upon the shore
of Deep Cove, in North Vancouver.
the patch of grass that lies upon
the rocky beach,
where the rocks stretch further
out and then they meet the water,
in between the shells and sand
is nestled a dollop of poop a mother found.
She did not know, when first she went
online to check the poop and paw print
what it would mean,
or how devastating it would be
to her lovely family.
She had a little dog, you see,
and a super duper daughter, me.
They had a lovely little house
in a cove nearby to Grouse
where black bears like to roam
(for it is also their home)
and sometimes get too close to humans
and poop right there among the cumins
(or an herb that's actually native to Canada).
Every day, the previously mentioned dog
would run around outside and hog
the patches of sunlight on the grass.
The girl would soon come park her ass
beside her faithful pet, and there
the two would spend their day,
and sit and doze and stretch and play.
They went exploring, dog and girl,
For they loved their sunny world,
to smell and sniff and watch the sea,
scratch the ground and catch the breeze.
Every day they sat outside
And then one day to their surprise
a bear came and ate them.
Well what do you want, a description? You're a horrible, sick person.
Of course, the mother was extremely sad
and said that she was going mad
so the father went and bought her
a Ruger No. 1 Varminter K1-V-BBZ.
Needless to say that never more
was bear poo found upon the shore
of Deep Cove, in North Vancouver.
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